fear flows from within
the mind begins to spin
as i convince myself reasons to distance
my own incompetence is an influence
ignorance or lacking intelligence
spits a sentence of pure insolence
not aware that my existence is a nuisance
good intentions
but lacked direction
in conversation to situation,
ruined expectations
my consequences sits in silence
sideways while i internalize
all my lies i can’t help but criticize,
victimize and criminalize barely realize
fail to prioritize tried to rationalize
how you became paralyzed
but tried to keep everyone satisfied
wish you vocalized or i recognized apologized so you could of socialized &
optimized instead of disappeared.
good thing my dad cant say a word
because he liked to drink
like my mom who also can’t think
cuz an addict, hypocrite who creates conflict so its preferred
she stays ignored
therefore you’re already cleared.
you’ll never have to feel that weird
parental pressure cuz mine are extinct
i often fail to think
before i speak
embarrassed and i retreat
to feed the fear
hate as i near
what i see inside the mirror
is this fear only fed from me?
most likely.
im trying to take responsibility
but can you help reassure me
so i dont totally feel hopelessly
empty mentally
because your about to be
too busy in new york city
do you even still want to see me?
you say you love me but do you really
yes, im sorry, im overthinking
fear flows without thinking
the doubt needs to start shrinking
or else its us youre rethinking
im over it
8/24/2024
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